Two in a Cube: We had a lot of rubber left over...

That's right.  After 7 years, I'm posting a dick pun as a new post.  You might be thinking....holy crud, there's so much to make fun of.  AI, LLMs, lay-offs, management issues....it's endless.  Is it really necessary to go down this path?  Yes...yes it is.

Pokemonitor?

Snarky: It's a corporate geolocation game. You never have to leave your cube.
Title: Pokemonitor?

No. I said I hate these *&^%& OKRs.

I really am like the trash service.  If work is a day late, the Snrky is almost a day late.  Presidents Day means today is sort of Monday.

Low touch goal frameworks picked up as the next trend.  That will definitely keep them low touch.  OKRs sitting between KPIs and a Balanced Scorecard.  That makes them more attractive: the part where they sit on a continuum of goal setting complexity.

Snarky: This is an RPG thing? You were an elf and you were killed by a crazy ogre?
Title: No. I said I hate these *&^%& OKRs.

What if I think this is all fake?

You know.  When I do the whole cartoon without spellchecking, I feel right idiotic.  My own impostor syndrome.  Four years of an English Degree.  A writing masters with a big gap on a slow burn, and I can't spell impostor?  I should have left it with the e just to punish myself.

In case you're not familiar with Impostor Syndrome: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

I like the symptoms:

• "I must not fail"
• "I feel like a fake"
• "I just got lucky"

Snarky: I think you have Impostor Syndrome. Really. Thank you.
Title: What if I think this is all fake?

Each team does have its own definition.

https://www.scrum.org/resources/blog/walking-through-definition-done

Snarky: I hate it when the answer to "Are you done?" is, "Let's have a meeting."
Title: Each team does have its own definition.

Why don't we just put them on Roombas?

If you're into Roomba science and Roomba art, I suggest this post: https://blog.niallconnaughton.com/2016/01/25/roomba-algorithms-and-visualization/

Snarky: I've applied Roomba-style algorithms to the facilities request queue.
Title: Why don't we just put them on Roombas?

Do you go with it?

Snarky: My global services ticket was in the queue so long they spun it off as a separate company.
Title: Do you go with it?

Do you tell teammates that's nacho story?

Update: dang it.  I had a note to use the title "We reverse vote using a box of crackers."  That's much funnier.

Snarky: I've started using slices of cheese for our storyboard. I find it creates a sense of urgency.
Title: Do you tell teammates that's nacho story?

Can we do that, or do we have to hire her back first?

So many process and role related posts.  I think I need some bare metal tech snark soon.  I need a break from crafting these when reality, like pager lists with no participants, printers that are fallow for a week because no one just reboots them, source control system that require two weeks and change control board despite no ties to any other systems, and communication that I'm supposed to know because they told someone in my chain, is day-to-day reality.  I wonder how much humor I can find in GraphQL.

Snarky: Jill? The project manager? The company asked her to eliminate a dependency. So she let herself go.
Title: Can we do that, or do we have to hire her back first?

Reacquisition. With "structural efficiencies".

A shout back to the December 11, 2018 post: http://www.snrky.com/2018/12/i-would-like-to-attest-this-is-stupid.html.

Snarky: I thought we divested your half of the company.
Title: Reacquisition. With "structural efficiencies".

It's a closed loop. Keep your eye out for any cybernetic organisms in the T-series.

Snarky: So, our manager cancelled his fishing trip to play poker with his boss. And now he wants us to cancel our poker game to go fishing with him. Is that transitive, or recursive?
Title: It's a closed loop. Keep your eye out for any cybernetic organisms in the T-series.

Is our old manager a senior manager or a director now?

I guess it's better than everyone getting demoted one level?

Snarky: They promoted you too? So we're all managers?
Title: Is our old manager a senior manager or a director now?

We're not traded in US markets, eh.

This is probably a bit esoteric, but your stock buyback options are limited if you live in the US and the stock buyback is filed in another country.  It's an imaginary situation for an imaginary game that would make it somewhat (imaginably) moot.

We're a few hours late.  That's not slacking - it's true loss of time due to end-of-year vacation.  That's to be applauded.  If you can keep busy enough to forget things on the list-of-things-to-do, it's a New Year's win on the first day of 2019.  Happy New Year's to everyone who celebrates the holiday - may your 2019 be full of Snrky, but perhaps personally less full of work snark-y.

Snarky: I'm winning the fantasy stock buyback league.  It gives me something positive to look forward to during our annual reorganizations.
Title: We're not traded in US markets, eh.

Holiday Celebrations

Holiday Celebration - A Belated Hanukkah
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanukkah

That's a dense Wikipedia article and even includes a section on Hanukkah in the White House.  Next year Hanukkah coincides with the other end-of-December holidays.

Because I was interested, I tried to find an example of Hanukkah in science fiction.  I timeboxed myself as the PMs like to say, and failed.  But I did find this pinterest light saber menorah.  It will have to suffice.

Snarky: Way late, but closer than Diwali.
Title: Diwali is beautiful. Maybe we'll do a November holiday series next year.

Holiday Celebrations

Holiday Celebration - Boxing Day
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxing_Day

Celebrating thanks for good service throughout the year.  I like that Samuel Pepys mentions it in his diaries, but it goes all the way back to the Middle Ages.  That takes me back (I come from a traceable line of Tudor/Stuart scholars; not as in back to the Middle Ages.  I'm not a vampire.).

Holiday Celebrations

Holiday Celebration - Kwanzaa
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kwanzaa

From Wikipedia:

• Umoja (Unity): To strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.
• Kujichagulia (Self-Determination): To define and name ourselves, as well as to create and speak for ourselves.
• Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers' and sisters' problems our problems and to solve them together.
• Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics): To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.
• Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.
• Kuumba (Creativity): To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.
• Imani (Faith): To believe with all our hearts in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

Holiday Celebrations

Holiday Celebration - Christmas
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas

Maybe next year I'll give them Santa hats, wooden shoes, and a display of wheat grass.

Call it a grievance

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Festivus

• Festivus Pole
• Festivus Dinner
• Festivus Airing of Grievances
• Festivus Miracles
• Festivus Feats of Strength

Snarky: A day late, but we don't post on Sundays.
Title: Call it a grievance.

EaaS? What MaaS came up with that?

In some ways, I guess that's what Uber, AirBnB, and similar peer-to-peer services are.  To an extent.  I guess this is an example of a horrible extreme in the sharing economy.

Snarky: You only get paid for direct requests in the code management system now. They're referring to it as Employee as a Service.
Title: EaaS? What MaaS came up with that?

I would like to attest this is stupid

Snarky: They sold part of the company.  The physical separation is necessary for our SOC2 compliance.
Title: I would like to attest this is stupid.